MLB wants teams to think of the time they’ll save

Big surprise: baseball games take longer than they used to.

The Mets played three straight “overtimers” that went into extra innings against the Philadelphia Phillies this weekend. The NY Times included this item (—>) comparing the trio of contests to the last time this occurred, in 1975 against the Chicago Cubs:

Note that the first one against the Phillies took three hours longer for three additional innings (not to mention 11 more pitchers, which, of necessity adds to the time for changes and warmups, etc.).

But these were extra inning affairs. When it comes to regulation time, the Tampa Bay Rays take an average of 3 hours, 18 minutes; the New York Yankees, 3:12; and the LA Dodgers, 3:10. So why is MLB picking on the Dodgers, at least according to this article?

So in “honor” of the situation, and with apologies to Richard Adler and Jerry Ross, I humbly offer this parody of “Think of the Time I Save” from The Pajama Game. It probably sounds better when sung than reading the new lyrics, but I wouldn’t want to do that to you nice people.

Think of the Time They Waste

MLB consulant:
I’m a time study man, and they tell me the games last too long.
Four hours for a nine inning game, that’s just wrong.
So I’ve polled the teams to get some clues
To speed things up and here’s the news
About all the time they waste.

MLB officials:
About all the time they waste.

Pitcher:
When I take the mound, I toe the slab
And then I dig a good foothold; I am that bold.
Then I stare straight in for the catcher’s signs,
Then I throw to first while the crowd all whines
About all the time we waste.

Crowd:
About all the time they waste.

Batter:
I approach the plate, adjust my gloves,
I love to make the whole world wait.
Then I step out, and back again,
Pull on my shirt and hitch my pants.
And the seconds pass and the minutes build
As the pitcher stews standing on the hill
Just think of the time I waste.

Crowd:
Think of the time he wastes.

Manager:
While I check the card —
Who’s next at bat —
I take a slow walk to the mound.
This I have found
Takes many ticks upon the clock.
Then the ump comes out and I walk away;
We do this several times a day.
And think of the time we waste.

Crowd:
Think of the time they waste.

Media on deadline:
Tick tock, tick tock, tempus fugit.
Tick tock, tick tock time goes by.

MLB consultant:
I’ll be sitting counting seconds ‘til the day I die.

Umpires:
I brush the plate, call for more balls,
Until the manager comes out;
He wants to chat, about a play,
Then makes a challenge on the call.
So we watch and watch and watch and watch
Because on the play we’ve made a botch.
And think of the time we waste.