Well, that explains everything: Chicago Cubs edition

A Chicago Tavern:A Goat, a Curse, and the American Dream

by Rick Kogan

Well, the Cubs failed — again — to make it to the World Series. Naturally it was the billy goat’s fault.

Rick Kogan tells the whole sorry, and sometimes, confusing story in A Chicago Tavern. But what it really comes down to is pretty simple.

In 1945, William Sianis, owner of the aforementioned establishment, The Billy Goat Tavern, tried to enter a game at Wrigley Field during the 1945 Series against the Detroit Tigers. Although he and his mascot were initially admitted to the stadium — in tribute, no doubt, to the esteem Sianis was accorded because of his joint’s popularity — they were eventually given the boot; some nonsense about health code violations (this coming from a venue that used communal troughs as urinals in the mens’ rooms). So what does the overemotional Greek immigrant do? He puts a curse on the team, vowing that they will never again play in a Series because of their insult.

Thanks to the Red Sox’ 2004 championship, the Cubs have gone missing from the final games of the fall longer than any team. Coincidence?

Kogan, a columnist for the Chicago Trubune and host of a radio program on WGN, puts together an interesting pamphlet that probably has a limited readership at best: masochistic Cubs fans, urban legendistas, and a small cadre of other fans who will read anything, asl long as it’s about baseball (which includes me).

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Some other explanations for the Cubs’ woes, according to the International Society of Supervillans, include:

• Exatly (sic) 1,908 leaves in the ivy that lines the outfield walls is actually poison ivy. This follows the decree of the shaman that found Hack Wilson sleeping with his wife.
• No Mascot Malaise: The Cubs will be without an official mascot until hair of the Phillie Phanatic is mixed with the blood of Mr. Met and poured on the steps of the home dugout.
• Harry Caray Harangue: On his deathbed, Caray told his widow that the Cubs wouldn’t win the Series until he sobered up. It is no coincidence that nine years after his death the Cubs still have not won the title.
• One kitten dies for every opposing team home run ball thrown back at Wrigley Field. This dates back to 1976 when Raul Jimenez, longtime Cubs fan and witch doctor, was beaten to death in the left field bleachers for trying to keep a Mike Schmidt homerun ball as a souvenir.
• No hot water in the clubhouse showers until an offering of cigars and rum is made to Yosh Kawano.
• Bane of the Ticket Brokers. They want $65 for a standing room ticket? For day game? In April?