I’ll buy that for a dollar

Not bloody likely if you’re talking about the (gold)keystone combination of Derek Jeter and Brandon Steiner.

Last week I gave some heat to this memorabilia stupidity. I guess if Steiner can find some fans who don’t know what to do with their money and are willing to part with it for Jeter tchotchkes, more power to him. As the saying goes, there’s a sucker born every minute.

So it’s not surprising that Richard Sandomir’s major profile of Steiner — “Spinning Pinstripes Into Gold” — in Sunday’s Times would piss me off so much. Not the writing, which was excellent as usual for the Times‘ sports media columnist, just the topic. (Slideshow here. Sandomir also wrote about the Jeter memorabilia mania back in February, when the future Hall of Famer announced that 2014 would be his last season.)

I usually don’t do things like this, but I actually circled passages in the article with pen so it would fuel my hate-fire.

Here are a few:

Jeter teased Steiner about the difficulties he faced getting his old Yankee Stadium locker from Steiner, saying their relationship nearly ended over it.

“Brandon didn’t want to give it to me,” Jeter said. “That’s true.” [My note: Give Jeter Jeter’s property? Did he sign away everything? Who is Steiner, Mr. Applegate?]

Steiner would later say that it was expensive to remove and ship the surprisingly heavy locker, and difficult to fit it into Jeter’s house in Tampa. [My note: I’m sure Steiner charges shipping and handling, so what’s the big deal?]

The resolution, he said, did not involve Jeter paying for it. “We worked out a trade,” he said. “He’s fair.”

And this:

Charles O. Kaufman, the publisher of Sweet Spot, a memorabilia newsletter, said that Steiner benefited immensely from his association with a high-end brand like the Yankees, but that “the organized collecting public knew that Steiner Sports offered signed memorabilia and other gear at well-above-market prices.

“Collectors often feel ripped off, but buy anyway,” Kaufman said, admitting, “People shop with their pocketbooks, not their brains.”

And this:

One evening in late June, more than 900 people crowded the 92nd Street Y’s auditorium for a Steiner event starring Jeter and Tino Martinez. The show combined star power, exclusive memorabilia and his creation of premium packages for fans who want not only to pay to hear their favorite athletes speak, but also to pay even more for a more intimate brush with greatness.

In the green room, Martinez, the former Yankees first baseman, signed 15 bases from the game that day, where he had been honored with a plaque in Monument Park. Each base bore a Steiner Sports logo.

“How many bases do you change a game?” Martinez asked.

“Usually twice a game, but every time Jeter gets a hit, we take first base,” Steiner said. “We do everything to commemorate that.” [My note: And make some dough off of it.]

(More than two months later, Martinez’s scuffed, autographed bases have been discounted to $599.99. Similar ones signed by Jeter are nearly three times that.)

Before the program, the audience watched a vanity video about Steiner’s company filled with tributes from employees and clients. When he took the stage, Steiner greeted the “Yankees premium customers” and briefly experienced a reverie about his fortunate connections. “Yankees. Steiner,” he said. “Steiner. Jeter. Yankees.”

Steiner interviewed Jeter and Martinez for nearly an hour, asking comfortable questions to clients he has known and enriched for nearly 20 years.

Afterward, Jeter and Martinez moved to a separate room where the fans who had paid $2,000 to $2,500 for premium packages met each player, received signed collectibles, posed for photographs with them and attended a cocktail party. As Jeter and Martinez sat together in rigid chairs, fans stood in line and, when signaled, moved behind them for a snapshot.

The Yankees held Derek Jeter Appreciation Day last Sunday, even though the last home game is Sept. 25 — Rosh Hashana for those keeping score in the Jewish home. Of course they wouldn’t honor Jeter it on that date; it would keep away too many Jewish consumers, er, fans. I would almost concede and say the Yankees wanted it on a weekend for maximum attendance, but don’t you think they’d sell out for this anyway?)

The Times‘ article noted that “The Yankees removed the Royals’ flag — and the flag of every other major league team — from atop Yankee Stadium, ringing their imperial palace with Jeter flags.”

How much are those going for?