If you don’t have anything nice to say, write a book

Sorry, but that seems to be a big part of the memoir industry these days. It’s all “I was a victim of _____ abuse” or “I came from dysfunctional family” or some other situation that I would say a good portion of the non-celebrity population has to deal with. Only we don’t have the benefit of a lot of money and fame to help us through.

Remember Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd? He was a colorful character for the Boston Red Sox and a couple of other teams from the early 1980s to 1990s. He was called “Oil Can” because he liked to drink beer and that was the colorful euphemism for beer cans where he came from.

So after his absence from the big league scene for almost 20 years, Boyd reveals that he was under the influence of cocaine in “two-thirds” of the games he pitched and that teammates were aware of it.

Do you think that he has a new book (coming out June 1) — They Call Me Oil Can: My Life in Baseball – has anything to do with the sudden desire to come clean? What’s that you say? “Kap, don’t be such a cynic.” Sorry.

Another former player with a drug connection who is about to publish his memoir (from the same publishing house, interestingly enough) is Willie Mays Aikens, a slugger for a few A.L. teams from 1977-85. Aikens was one of the Cocaine Seven, a group of players who were busted for using coke; he was out of the Majors before he was 31.

Aikens’ drug use eventually landed him in prison for more than a decade. His new book — Willie Mays Aikens: Safe at Home — is due out April 1.