On the most recent Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Peter Sagal played “Not My Job” with Iranian stand-up comic, Maz Jobrani. Here’s the slightly-edited transcript.
SAGAL: Well welcome to the show, Maz. We have asked you here to play a game we’re calling?
CARL KASELL, host: Here, let me open that bottle for you. Ugh, ugh, ow.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: That was very moving, actually.
PAUL PROVENZA: I hope that was in the script.
SAGAL: It was.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: He’s just — that’s merely the power of his acting.
AMY DICKINSON: Wow.
SAGAL: What he’s trying to get at is that professional baseball players are elite athletes. They demonstrate strength and skill and flexibility that sometimes seem superhuman. Which raises the question, why do they keep injuring themselves in really dumb ways? We’re going to ask you three questions about the odd ways in which baseball players have hurt themselves just in this season alone.
Okay, just a few weeks ago, Geoff Blum of the Houston Astros landed on the 15-day disabled list when he injured himself doing what? A, answering his cell phone; B, putting on his shirt; or C, snoring?
JOBRANI: Oh boy. I’m going to go, because I’ve actually — I’ve cramped up before putting on clothes.
SAGAL: Really?
JOBRANI: Yeah, this has happened to me. So I’m going with shirt.
SAGAL: You’re right, that’s what he did.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: He was putting it on, felt a pop, ended up missing some games. He was diagnosed with floating bodies in his arm. The next question, left fielder Chris Coghlan of the Florida Marlins is out for six to eight weeks. He hurt his leg trying to do something for another teammate. What was it? A, hit him in the face with a shaving cream pie; B, he was trying to get a female fan’s phone number for him from someone in the stands; or C, he put pepper in that other player’s underwear?
JOBRANI: Pepper in the other player’s underwear?
SAGAL: Yeah. He ended up getting hurt.
JOBRANI: Yeah, I don’t know how you’d hurt your feet doing that.
(Soundbite of laughter)
PROVENZA: Oh, you’re not thinking.
(Soundbite of laughter)
JOBRANI: I’m going to go with the pie in the face. They seem to that a lot.
SAGAL: They do that a lot.
JOBRANI: Yeah.
SAGAL: And when he did it, he hurt his leg. That’s right.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: He came up to his teammate.
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: Who had just hit the game-winning run, pie in the face, tore his meniscus muscle.
JOBRANI: Nice.
SAGAL: Last injury, the most ironic injury this season happened to Kendry Morales of the Los Angeles Angels. He broke his leg, ending his season doing what? A, he was trying to stretch out his leg so that he would not injure it.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: B, he was celebrating a game-winning grand slam home run at home plate. Or C, he was trying to prevent a teammate from getting into a fight and thereby hurting himself?
JOBRANI: Well I got to tell you, on this one I’m going to cheat a little because I happened to be watching ESPN just the other day.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: And they were showing the stupid thing that happened there.
SAGAL: Yeah.
JOBRANI: It was the grand slam.
SAGAL: You’re right. That’s what happened.
(Soundbite of bell)
SAGAL: You know what happens, right?
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: A player hits a game-winning homerun, he runs around the bases. The tradition is the other players gather to greet him in a pile at home plate. Kendry Morales running in, so happy, he jumps up in the air to land amidst his teammates and he falls straight down to the ground, and then the other players are going, dude, what’s up, dude?
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: He’s out for the season. Carl, how did Maz Jobrani do on our show?
KASELL: Maz had three correct answers, Peter, so he wins ….
(Soundbite of applause)
SAGAL: Well done.
Mr. JOBRANI: Woo-hoo.
SAGAL: Congratulations. That was done masterfully. That was well done.
Mr. JOBRANI: Thank you very much. I’m happy I had a chance to do this. And Iran wasn’t in the World Cup this year, but we got a victory today.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SAGAL: There you go. It makes up for it.
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