Spring Training drinking game

Maybe it’s the long lazy days, the lack of intensity, that lends itself to so many friendly interviews.

These days I listen to the ESPN Baseball Today podcast, hosted by Peter Pascarelli, which includes at least two friendly little per show, often with a player and a manager.

This morning I as I was driving to work, I tried to keep up with the number of cliches spouted. It reminded me of the scene in Bull Durham in which Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) instructs Nuke LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) in the art of the interview. You have to get to know the cliches, he says: “They’re your friends.” With that, the spring training drinking game. (In honor of the institution, this should only be played with grapefruit and cactus juices).

Take one drink every time a manager says, “Baseball is won/played between the lines.”

If any team member says of a pitcher, “He’s pitching lights out,” “He’s really throwing some heat,” “He can overpower the hitters.” or “His fastball is really working for him.” He’s got good mechanics.”

“He’s capable of going the distance.” (Take two if the manager/coach forgets he’s talking about a reliever.)

In describing a batter, take a drink whenever a team member says of someone else or himself: “He has to wait for his pitch.” “He has to learn to be more patient.” “He’s seeing the ball well.” “He’s a tough out.” “He’s a contact hitter.” Or any derivation thereof.

If someone says, “We’re still ironing out the kinks.”

If someone says about a new player, “It’ll take a bit of adjustment, getting used to new surroundings,” etc.

If a player on a new team says, “I’m looking forward to playing with these guys; a new chance; a new city…”

If someone says regarding coming back from an injury (about others or himself): “I’m feeling real strong.” “It’s like staarting all over again.” “We have to take it one day at a time.” “He’s still working out some kinks.” “We expect him/don’t expect him to be ready by _____.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll buy some cirtrus futures.